Real Estate, Renovations, and...Dating?

Every time I visit family, I curl up with my mom at night to watch one of her many home renovation shows. I can’t keep track of all of them, and sometimes I have a hard time sitting through the forced dialogue and over dramatic reactions from homeowners. But it's mommy-and-me time, and while we watch, we talk. It’s mostly me asking what’s going on. Are they buying? Are they selling? Are they loving? Are they listing? Is "flipping" the same thing as "fixing"...? Will that marriage even survive this renovation? Property Brothers always seems to be on. I'm proud to say that on my last trip home, I finally remembered enough about who does what to actually pay attention to the show. They're essentially…matchmakers for home buyers, right? And it got me thinking.

Can real estate and home renovations teach us about dating?

It's important to make one thing clear before exploring this idea: I am not encouraging you to find someone and beat them into who you want them to be. It's not about finding someone and "fixing" them. I am not telling you to go looking for someone to take on as a project. This is not about changing people into who you want them to be. What I'm saying is that there are relevant points to be gleaned from finding homes that would normally be passed up; just like we miss potential matches because they might not look or dress to our expectations. Adventure lives outside the box. That said...

1. Know where you are and what you want.

It starts with you. Are you even in the market? What are your intentions? Are you dating to play games or actually looking for a relationship? Are you just looking for a here-and-now, one-and-done deal? Or something long-term? I’ve seen too many friends invest themselves in relationships where the other party just wanted to play games, and my friend wanted something permanent.

Be upfront with your intentions. After their first date, a good friend's now-husband said to her: "I had a really nice time and I'd like to see you again. But you need to know that I am looking for something long-term. If you're not, that's okay. But I am. So if you're not, I had a great time, but I'm not interested in dating just to date and I don't want to waste your time.”

He knew his intentions and was not afraid of communicating them. There are buyers and there are renters, just like there are people dating with a long-term relationships in mind and people that just want to play games.

Don't go house hunting if you're only looking to rent. It wastes everybody's time.

2. Keep an open mind.

As passionate as I am about the previous point, this is probably the area I feel strongest about. Maybe it's because I was always the fat funny friend. The smart kid who who lacked curb appeal. It was often said of me: "She has a great personality." And you know that's not a compliment. My last date was a set up. Looks-wise, he was nothing I'd seek out in a crowd, but we had a fun time talking college football over sushi. The heavens didn't open and there were no angels were singing, but I was open to a second date. When my friend asked him what he thought of me, his response was: "She's nice. Funny. She's really smart." That was the end, so I can only assume he was looking for a bitchy, humorless moron. (Kidding. Kind of.)

Full disclosure: I need to get better at this--but realize that the perfect fit for you might not look how you expect. I cringe watching these shows when I hear home buyers say they don’t want a cookie cutter house--they want a house with character. Whatever that means in their minds, it never translates into reality. Because when they actually see the house, they freak out. So far, my favorite part of Property Brothers is when the brothers calmly spit back the buyer's wish list. “You said 'character'."

The things you want do not always look the way you expect. Do you actually want someone with personality? 

3. It’s okay to keep looking.

Don't settle.

This is not a speech about having a dream guy (or girl) in your head and not settling until POOF! that person appears on your doorstep. This is not "Weird Science." I might be holding out for a hero, but the sad fact is, I will be waiting forever if I'm expecting Han Solo to fly the Millennium Falcon to our galaxy. I'll have to settle for someone who at least knows who Han Solo is (and knows how many parsecs it took the Millennium Falcon to make the Kessel Run, obviously.)

It's okay to be alone. As someone who chooses to be single, I sometimes have a difficult time understanding people who are always in relationships. I mean...do they even like the other person? I picked up a saying in my 20s: "I'd rather be single and sometimes lonely than settle and be mostly miserable." Because then that’s two miserable people.

Don't get me wrong—I'd love to meet someone—but I want to meet the right someone. As much as I love Jerry Maguire's passionate confession of "you complete me"…you need to be your own person. We all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies--find someone that complements you. (Complement. Not compliment. Though compliments are nice too.) Laughter is huge for me, so finding someone with a similar sense of humor is something of tantamount importance. Mentally, physically, emotionally...I need someone I can laugh with at the end of the day. Ideally, this person will also be a pro at smushing spiders. 

This kind of takes us back to the first point, but know your non-negotiables. Home buyers have a list of things they won't budge on: budget, neighborhood, fabulous kitchen, number of bedrooms, green space. When it comes to relationships, we need to learn from this. What are you absolutely not willing to give up? Home buyers are usually reminded that they can't move the neighborhood. What if one of you wants kids, but the other person doesn't? Only one of you will win and don’t count on the other person changing their mind. While you can't move a neighborhood (or count on changing someone's mind about kids), you can paint the walls. Maybe you want someone who will cook with you--they're not a gourmet chef, but they're willing to try because it's important to you. Boom. New hobby for you as a couple.

The thing people tend to hate about not settling is that it requires waiting. But isn't that worth it? Especially in this area.

Whatever it may be, at the end of the day, you're the one that has to live with your decision. 

Conclusion

To review, when it comes to dating, exercise some self-awareness--where are you in life? Keep an open mind--forget cookie cutter. And finally, don't settle. It might totally freak you out, but it's okay not to be single. Think of it as an adventure. 

Embrace living, my friends. Because you never know what you'll discover along the way.