Nice Matters.
Early in my career, after a particularly challenging project, a colleague gifted me with a little sign for my desk with a simple message: Nice matters.
Some days, I have to say it over and over until I believe it.
Nice matters.
Nice matters.
Nice matters.
She pleaded with me. "Nice matters. It does, Christin," she said, "Remember that."
I think I just nodded and silently hoped for her to go away. I wasn't in much of a mood to hear about nice and it making a difference. Still though, I hung the sign at my cube next to my color palettes, a picture of me flying with Sean Tucker, and a quote from Eddie Redmayne about being colorblind.
---
Growing up in central Pennsylvania, you could say, was a nice experience. We lived in a quaint little town with Amish neighbors. The grocery stores had hitching posts, nobody locked their doors (except us transplanted "city folk"), and in school we got the first day of deer season off. It wasn't until after we moved that I discovered there is actually not a holiday known as "Thanksgiving Monday." It's just the first day of deer season. There was no school because nobody would have showed up for class. Isn't that nice?
When I think about nice, it's always been part of my life. Like church and good manners, nice was required. There was no "opt out" option. I was taught to be nice to my siblings, nice to my friends, and nice to the kids that were made fun of. I was taught to be nice to animals, nice to my teachers, and nice to people who might not deserve it. "Pray for your enemies" was said early and often, and sometimes all my striving for nice got my feelings hurt. Nice wasn't always the easy thing, but I was taught it was the right thing.
So it's funny that as time passes, we push nice to the side. We set aside doing the right thing to do the easy thing--meeting peoples' perceptions and fitting into the box in which they've placed us. My junior year of college, interning in Washington, DC, I realized mid-debate nobody was taking me seriously. I was too nice. I was maybe also too short and too quick to smile, but trying to state my opinion and have it taken seriously was a nightmare. Nice wasn't getting me anywhere. I decided the only path forward was to get mean. I needed to meet the expectations required of a career-minded woman. (Whatever that was.) I infused my wardrobe with all black, stopped laughing, drank copious amounts of Starbucks, and wore giant sunglasses accessorized with a perma-scowl. (I secretly hoped the black-on-black would also have a slimming effect. And if I added heels, I might even look taller.)
In a society where no favors are freely given, how could nice possibly be valued? It doesn't get you anything. Nice doesn't get you a roster spot. It doesn't ensure you win the game. Nice doesn't guarantee a promotion. And it's not sexy. Nice never seems to win you the guy (or girl) of your dreams.
Nice doesn't keep you safe--if anything it seems to put you at risk. Nice can be a very vulnerable place.
Once upon a time, I played soccer. When I helped someone on the other team get up after a collision, I was seen as soft. Around the office, if I choose private discussion instead of public confrontation, I'm assumed to be weak. If I go out on a date and I'm nice, then somehow I'm also desperate.
---
Honestly, I haven't thought about that little message in a long time. I don't think the painted pumpkin sign survived the pre-relocation purge, but the message resurrected itself this week. Nice does matter. It's something I have to be reminded of often--that I need to be nice to myself, and nice to others. It's not always the easy thing, but it is always the right thing. I mean...have you ever gone to bed upset about being nice to someone?
Karmic powers have put nice on a shelf where it is only used if you need something. There are certain people that come around and I immediately know their niceness comes at a price. If they're nice to me, the expectation is that I will be nice back, and do what they ask. We all have those people in our lives--and let's be honest, we are all at times those people. I think by and large as a society, we've lost our ability to be nice just for the sake of being nice.
So today, I challenge you to reclaim nice for the sake of being nice. Show kindness without the expectation of receiving something in return. Be nice to people who think differently than you. Be nice to people who are terrible drivers. Be nice to people that you don't think deserve it. Be nice to people who have different political opinions. Be nice to people who have different religious views. Be nice to people you don't feel like being nice to.
Being nice doesn't mean you agree with them. Or approve of their behavior. Or endorse their opinion. Or even like them.
It's just showing kindness.
It's being nice.
Nice matters.
Because it does.
Some days, I have to say it over and over until I believe it.
Nice matters.
Nice matters.
Nice matters.
She pleaded with me. "Nice matters. It does, Christin," she said, "Remember that."
I think I just nodded and silently hoped for her to go away. I wasn't in much of a mood to hear about nice and it making a difference. Still though, I hung the sign at my cube next to my color palettes, a picture of me flying with Sean Tucker, and a quote from Eddie Redmayne about being colorblind.
---
Growing up in central Pennsylvania, you could say, was a nice experience. We lived in a quaint little town with Amish neighbors. The grocery stores had hitching posts, nobody locked their doors (except us transplanted "city folk"), and in school we got the first day of deer season off. It wasn't until after we moved that I discovered there is actually not a holiday known as "Thanksgiving Monday." It's just the first day of deer season. There was no school because nobody would have showed up for class. Isn't that nice?
When I think about nice, it's always been part of my life. Like church and good manners, nice was required. There was no "opt out" option. I was taught to be nice to my siblings, nice to my friends, and nice to the kids that were made fun of. I was taught to be nice to animals, nice to my teachers, and nice to people who might not deserve it. "Pray for your enemies" was said early and often, and sometimes all my striving for nice got my feelings hurt. Nice wasn't always the easy thing, but I was taught it was the right thing.
So it's funny that as time passes, we push nice to the side. We set aside doing the right thing to do the easy thing--meeting peoples' perceptions and fitting into the box in which they've placed us. My junior year of college, interning in Washington, DC, I realized mid-debate nobody was taking me seriously. I was too nice. I was maybe also too short and too quick to smile, but trying to state my opinion and have it taken seriously was a nightmare. Nice wasn't getting me anywhere. I decided the only path forward was to get mean. I needed to meet the expectations required of a career-minded woman. (Whatever that was.) I infused my wardrobe with all black, stopped laughing, drank copious amounts of Starbucks, and wore giant sunglasses accessorized with a perma-scowl. (I secretly hoped the black-on-black would also have a slimming effect. And if I added heels, I might even look taller.)
In a society where no favors are freely given, how could nice possibly be valued? It doesn't get you anything. Nice doesn't get you a roster spot. It doesn't ensure you win the game. Nice doesn't guarantee a promotion. And it's not sexy. Nice never seems to win you the guy (or girl) of your dreams.
Nice doesn't keep you safe--if anything it seems to put you at risk. Nice can be a very vulnerable place.
Once upon a time, I played soccer. When I helped someone on the other team get up after a collision, I was seen as soft. Around the office, if I choose private discussion instead of public confrontation, I'm assumed to be weak. If I go out on a date and I'm nice, then somehow I'm also desperate.
---
Honestly, I haven't thought about that little message in a long time. I don't think the painted pumpkin sign survived the pre-relocation purge, but the message resurrected itself this week. Nice does matter. It's something I have to be reminded of often--that I need to be nice to myself, and nice to others. It's not always the easy thing, but it is always the right thing. I mean...have you ever gone to bed upset about being nice to someone?
Karmic powers have put nice on a shelf where it is only used if you need something. There are certain people that come around and I immediately know their niceness comes at a price. If they're nice to me, the expectation is that I will be nice back, and do what they ask. We all have those people in our lives--and let's be honest, we are all at times those people. I think by and large as a society, we've lost our ability to be nice just for the sake of being nice.
So today, I challenge you to reclaim nice for the sake of being nice. Show kindness without the expectation of receiving something in return. Be nice to people who think differently than you. Be nice to people who are terrible drivers. Be nice to people that you don't think deserve it. Be nice to people who have different political opinions. Be nice to people who have different religious views. Be nice to people you don't feel like being nice to.
Being nice doesn't mean you agree with them. Or approve of their behavior. Or endorse their opinion. Or even like them.
It's just showing kindness.
It's being nice.
Nice matters.
Because it does.
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